i look stoned tbh. 

photostoned gaga raffaella woo 

my morning glory stuff showed up today, and i have to say that i worship them after waiting for about 4 years in total. i think i discovered it first when i saw that  ’a strawberry mind’ free sketching notebook that belonged to a korean friend in germany. (ha-yoon) 

i’ve decided today that i will never try to explain my past to anyone because it makes me go absolutely crazy. it feels like another epic life story that i will only explain in a few words. 

i have some hope for the future and now i have some dreams to chase and places i want to travel to. the desire to travel has always been there but i don’t think it was ever this intense. 

it’s 11:24 pm currently and i’m exceptionally happy. i haven’t been this happy in a long while.  valerio also called today because he wanted to talk. 

I really hope i don’t let go of my writing skills, even though there is nothing but death and sorrow in writing. nobody should know what it is like to die inside while alive. every day i woke up in the previous place i lived was death for me. wake up, time to die. 

i have been having nightmares about having to stay for longer or just nightmares generelly. 

i blotted my nails with dark red, silver and black nail polish which actually looks kind of cool. I made sure to make it look like it’s not camo. 

something diego said made me really happy today, but i don’t think generally he gives a fuck. maybe that’s life. 

oh and i can’t wait for the artpop album OR the fame fragrance. maybe i can save a little extra money and get the heartbeats? but i don’t want it to be an obsession :o 

i need to get some decent cheap sunglasses. ugh. 

anyway guys raffaella says good night to you all, kisses for everyone 

I had a weird dream about having to stay in belgium/luxembourg a third year. 

I cried. a lottttttt

there was guido behind the counter trying to sell me cotton candy. 

so, I moved. I remember the life before this but it is obvious that things changed a lot. To a lot better. I was about to swallow a bottle of advil the night before we boarded the plane. anyway. 

I don’t know how life will be here but I will have more confidence in myself. As val used to say, (ex for obvious reasons) be your own queen first. so I will try. I will try to have more confidence in myself while doing something worthy with my life. 

I haven’t talked to diego in days due to my ipod being fixed. the time difference is getting between us. I hate that the earth is so fucking round. 

(It’s not big enough for me. My mom wants to go to Tokio.) 

It’s 1.20 am and I don’t want to sleep. I have somewhere to sleep for now and I know I will sleep well tonight. it’s not that I can’t fall asleep. It’s just that I don’t want to. i’m curious about a lot of things. my new school seems to be okay, but we will see. hopefully i will have a healthy social circle and not get stuck with tweeders or opiates, as they say is common here. 

I’ve started wearing platform heels with bright red lipstick. Maybe there is some change in my personality but I think I will always be the same thing: everything at once. my soul wants to explode. 

stefani. raffaella. 

maybe I am a falling star.